Languages and my acceptance of my 'here-ness'

I've been in Malaysia almost 7 years now.  That's a substantial amount of time.  Long enough for me to have learned the local language and adapted to the local culture.  The second one has occurred but the former has unfortunately not.

Now, I'm no imperialist.  I wish I could speak Mandarin and Bahasa Whatever-it-is-this-year (either Melayu or Malaysia... depends on whether an election is coming I think...) fluently.  But I can't speak either to any extent and I'm deeply embarassed about that.  I've organised Mandarin lessons, which fell apart after a few weeks due to work commitments, and whenever I speak Bahasa I get stares and bewildered looks which automatically make me think I've said something wrong or dirty.  I guess people here are just not prepared to hear their own language coming out of a Mat Salleh's mouth.  I probably spoke correctly, but they were just not expecting it and showed me their astonished face and that promptly stopped me repeating what I said.

I guess I will have to make some arrangements sooner or later for more lessons, but my language esteem is at an all time low.  My mate's in KL can have entire conversations in perfect Bahasa.  I can't even ask for the time correctly.  I guess I'm just no linguist.  I've tried learning various languages over the years, all to no avail.  No matter how much tuition I received I simply forgot the words when it came time to actually speak to someone.  Trust me when I say I understand COMPLETELY my students fears and difficulties in learning English.  What astounds me is their perseverance.

This language issue of mine runs parallel with my habitual reluctance to really settle down here.  I've always kept myself at a distance from Malaysia as I always thought I'd be leaving any day.  Not putting my heart and soul into learning the languages was one way of keeping distance I guess.  But not so any longer.  Here it is people - I've finally come to the acceptance that this is where I live, this is my home now and this is where I'm going to stay - for the next several years at least, work and education pending.  But I've accepted that I'm here to stay.

I suppose my daughter's birth has had a major impact on that realisation. I don't call it a decision as I feel deep down it had already been made.  She has made me understand that it's not bad to be here - we're in a good place.  Just let it be and enjoy it.

I also suspect my grandfather's death in January also played a part in how I feel.  I'm not sure how yet, but I sense that that trip to NZ just for a week opened my eyes to just what life I was living in Malaysia - one I couldn't have with 4 kids in NZ.

Looks like I have 2 homes now, lucky me!  I just have to do my part for Malaysia, to improve it however I can for my kids and others.  I also have to allow Malaysia to improve me, to let it get close and to allow me to learn her languages.  Which I will, just not sure how or when.

Aunties, haircuts and stiff upper lips

Today is a rather strange day.

For a start, I'm doing a class which is normally a Monday to Friday thing, so I'm feeling a bit lost - it's either Friday again or it's Monday...

Secondly, it's my new daughter's one month Chinese big do.  This is a big deal to the Chinese, and I'm not entirely sure why as no one has given me an explanation that satisfies me other than her hair just has to be all shaved off because 'that's her birth hair and we want new hair to grow through'.  This is weird to me.  Have any of you seen a baby with all it's hair shaved off?  Especially after you've got used to your little baby looking a particular way?  My daughter looks like a girl now - but after she's bald?


Frankly, and I don't mean this in a nasty way, I just don't get all the little things the Chinese just have to do.  Every little event becomes a major cultural tradition and just has to be maintained to preserve Chinese culture and ways.  As if Chinese culture is under threat!  Last time I checked, there are quite a few Chinese around and I didn't see any danger of their culture disappearing.  But hey, my wife's Chinese and so I go along with some of these things.  I just can't explain them to my parents who are even more mystified about the importance of old traditions than I am.

I will be there with smiles on today without a doubt, but I must admit I do get annoyed when some 'Auntie' believes so incredibly strongly that if we don't follow her instructions on things all hell will break loose.  The amount of energy spent trying to generate 'good luck' and 'prosperity' is substantial.  I find it all rather unnecessary, and I suspect my wife does too but we just grin and bear it to keep the boat on an even keel because these 'Aunties' are a rather unstable lot as a group and are liable to break down into screaming fits if we don't do something on an auspicious day or at the right time or without an '8' in it...

I guess I'll just have to indulge in a beer or two and keep out of their way to make sure I don't get a good ear-bashing from the harried wife later.  Stiff upper lip and all that soldier.